So i walk into math tudoring today. my math tutor reads the paper every single day front and back. i wasnt in the best mood and i was looking angry and sad when i was really just sleepy. he asks me why and if it was because of the news of Louie birk in the paper.... i had shared with him before of my acting and such.... i couldn't breath for a seccond. "What news of louie?" He shows me the article.
Tuesday April 2 Louie Birk announced publicly That he had given up. He was returning to africa. After 15 years and 1.5 million of his OWN money he wasnt going to waste MORE time here and finally was going home to his wife.
Inside i knew this was going to happen even if i put all my faith into god helping him but no.
There will be no crucible. there will be no mercy. There will be no paycheck of 200 a week. There will be none of that and im going to have to do what i feared i would have to.
im going to have to spend my summer babysitting my little brother, sewing like a madwoman, and standing on the side of the road all wet in a bikini with a sign that says "CAR WASH" while 40 year old men come to get their car cleaned by 3 teenage girls in bikini's for tips and business and im going to have to sell my big yuna painting.
i feel like SUCH A PRETEEN in doing this seeing as in 3 months i will be leagly able to work in this town but what ways are there to make cash? me, Ai and mamfa REALLY need it. Were looking for theatre groups that pay now seeing as were spent and need jobs that were good at and were all arround upset. Louie didn't tell any of us. i knew he wouldn't. he didn't tell us yet. He knew he loved us way to much to tell us and we would all cry because were never going to see him again.
Im a madwoman now. I swear this and I swear this on my life. one day I WILL be elphaba. One day I will have the role of my dreams and i will get there because Louie taught me something. he taught me something i will never forget and i will always cary it with me. in 7 years time i will be standing on the stage of that theatre singing defying gravity at the top of my lungs with all the passion and strengh in my body. Imn not doing it just for mea anymore, im not doing it just for my dreams or my carrear, im not doing it for my father or for t.j. or anything like that. Im also doing it for louie. and i swear that before that opening night Louie birk will get a letter, inclosed will be a theatre ticket front row orchestra, Hotel reservations, And a round trip ticked from south africa To NYC. Finally a letter saying "Dear louie, i did it. love, Teresa Jack"
This fight is no longer in my hands. There is no WAY i am leaving RCA and there is no way i will stop fighting. even if i go back to the way i was. even ifg i get obsessed with it. even if i continue to beat on myself until i mentally snap and live life as a drone each day.
"So if you care to find me look to the western sky, as someone told me lately everyone deserves a chance to fly and if im flying solo at least im flying free, to those who ground me take a message back from me, tell them how i am defying gravity, im flying high and defying gravity and soon il match them in renown, and nobody in all of oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down."
NO FUCKING CITY HALL IS EVER GOING TO BRING ME DOWN. NOTHING EVER WILL. I WILL FLY SOLO AND FREE AND PUSH MY LIMITS TO THE MAX, I WILL WORK ON MY RANGE AND I WILL SING WITH ALL MY HEART AND VOICE. IL NEVER LET THEM HOLD ME DOWN AGAIN.
This is an ongoing process. im constantly changing. my old slef dies and from the ashes a new one arises. a new dream begins. i will keep my old dream but shed my skin once more. i don't care if i look like yuna anymore. i don't care if i have to buy a wig for that, im growing my hair out long and dyeing it black. im getting my surgery on my cheeks, im going through with it and i will beat them. for now i need to make money to get to otakon but then i will have a full time job and work for me and keep on fighting. i will finish my costume and it is dedicated to me, my broken childhood dreams and to louie birk. The man who helped wake up my iner witch.
the fameous picture. This was my third birthday. THIS was my gift. and i still cary it with me.
This is but more proof that No good deed goes unpunished. im SICK OF COMUNITY SERVICE TO A TOWN THAT DOES THIS! I REFUSE TO DO IT!
This is my elphaba ness. my Teacher was taken away for he is different. the world didn't like him because he had something. he had a VISION! he had a DREAM! and they took him away from me. NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!
Alakanamen namen a tum a tum elakanamen.
let his flesh not be torn, let his blood leave no stain though they beat him let him feel no pain, let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him let him never die. let him never die.
what good is this chanting? i don;t even know what im reading! i don't even know what trick i outght to try.
one more disaster for my generous suply.
no good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresiented. no good deed goes unpunished that's my new creed. my road of good intentions lead where duch roads always lead. no good deed goes unpunished.
LET ALL STRATFORD BE AGREED! IM WICKED THROUGH AND THROUGH SINCE I DID NOT SUCCEED LOUIE SAVING YOU I PROMISE NO GOOD DEED WILL I ATTEMPT TO DO AGAIN! EVER AGAIN! -Aseret Yuna the wicked